Ethical Consumption Gifts

A Daily Prescription for Politically-Correct Conspicuous Consumers.

"Are your chickens raised without the use of growth hormones?"

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

'But darling, he doesn't kill the cows.'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"I don't know what it is, but I think you can sleep well knowing it's locally grown."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

'Now, think hard about it: Do you want to be known as the one who ate the last Dodo?'

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

'Personally I can't see anything wrong with GM crops!'

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"We would like to be genetically modified to taste like Brussels sprouts."

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

A boy who loves cows/burgers

"All our vegetables are organic, ethically sourced and stunned before being boiled."

"Is it free-range?"

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

'Preparing free-range chicken requires an extremely patient chef.'

'Rob is a vegan.'

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"