Eternal Skeptic Pillows

'Oh I've always been a sceptic, through all my past lives.'

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"There's just nothing new under the sun."

The Ultimate Pessimist: "The glass is half empty and what's in it is toxic."

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

"God works in mysterious ways."

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

'I hate my life.

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

"You've spent the last 20 years in college. what made you stop hiding from the real world?"

'I hate it when teen angst becomes mid-age angst.'

'So help me, which god?'

"Please cut and paste these prayers to an other gods up there....just in case I've been following the wrong one."

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

Expert examining painting: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid it's a fake."

"Oh yes, I've got the whole business computerised now"

'Oh my god!'

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

'I blame the internet.'

Things are never as bad as they seem - they're usually much, much worse.

"My religion makes sense if you want it to."

'I can't see any future in my business.'

"First, I'll need to see an audited statement of revenue and expenses."

"I'm afraid there's really very little I can do."

"The Man Who Knew Enough"

A never ending 3D maze knot.

'I've traveled back in time to warn you...in the future you'll be charged a fee to watch television AND the commercials, you'll need a computer to hear music, and morons roam the streets with tiny phones they talk extremely loud into!'

'I was skeptical at first, but it really works.'

"Of course I believe in God. He's as real as Santa."

"Sorry to report your labs came back positive. There's no reason you can't continue your pessimistic lifestyle, though."

"Continuous piped music! No wonder so many opt for reincarnation."