Eternal Philosopher T-Shirts

"I'm afraid there's really very little I can do."

'Lady, please! It's been 45 minutes! Aren't you ready yet?'

'I hate it when teen angst becomes mid-age angst.'

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

"Damnit—Every game ends in stalemate."

'Funny, I thought a near-death experience would be different, somehow.'

"Who says you can't take it with you? This one has a fireproof lining."

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

Quicksands of time

'let's work with what we've got -- take a few of the more promising apes, and add some extra memory.'

Damned if you do...

"I've got pride but no shame."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"What can you tell me about the meaning of death?"

"You've spent the last 20 years in college. what made you stop hiding from the real world?"

....Today the new economic forecasts get published...and that means we have to work overtime...sorry.

'I'm new up here...where are the men?'

God is a spider.

"This human experiment has gone on long enough. Give the hippos control."

'Oh I've always been a sceptic, through all my past lives.'

"Here's where all the worries of the world have been seeping into your home."

'I've always found the stars disappointingly small.'

"Every time you come back you're depressed and disgusted. I'd quit visiting earth, if I were you."

"Have you been feeling all right, Ed?"

'You can't take it with you so I'm sending it on ahead.'

'God is father to us all, but surely Jesus was his only biological child?'

Eternal Revenue Service. Now I understand why you can't take it with you.

Elwood P. Farnum: Scientist, Mastermid, Time Traveler.

G7

"When you have all the answers, what's left?"

'Dear Abby: I continually find myself asking for advice from complete strangers. Please help.'

"It was a surprise. The college alumni solicitation letters never stop, even here!"