Eternal Friend Pillows

Fred! Wow, I haven't seen you in, like, forever!

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

'I'm not afraid of commitment, but forever is a really long time.'

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

Priest

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

"We missed you at church Sunday."

This is forever... till death do us part...

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'And do you promise to be the one out of two marriages that does not end in divorce.'

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

Kid praying: 'If it's okay with you, don't record this one.'

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

"So join me in prayer for those who are damned if they do and damned if they don't..."

'Joe's really slow to take hint...she's been wearing that dress for two years.'

ONE IN A MILLION

Interfaith dialogue

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

"Well, he loves people, the birds that fly, the fish that swim, and all the creatures of the forest."

'It's an innovative way to boost attendance.'

'I invited God to be one of my friends on Facebook and he's turned me down!'

Words falling out of bible.

"It's amazing how far you can go with a positive attitude."

"Landscapes are nice but have considered painting still lifes?...maybe apples?"

The Good Samaritan.

'Osgood was a theologian back on Earth, and he thought all this stuff would be allegorical.'

"So, all this talk about appealing to our better angels..."

"No one rides off into me anymore."

"It's the quarantine cloud."

'I'm going to check with my pastor to see what the Bible says about this operation.'

I know it was the biggest moment in your life, but honey - our wedding was six months ago.

Internal Clocks.

'I hate it when teen angst becomes mid-age angst.'

"Highlighting your Bible doesn't make you more spiritual than anyone else."