Eternal Friend Pillows

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

'I'm not afraid of commitment, but forever is a really long time.'

Priest

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

"We missed you at church Sunday."

This is forever... till death do us part...

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'And do you promise to be the one out of two marriages that does not end in divorce.'

"So join me in prayer for those who are damned if they do and damned if they don't..."

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

'Joe's really slow to take hint...she's been wearing that dress for two years.'

Kid praying: 'If it's okay with you, don't record this one.'

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

Interfaith dialogue

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

"Well, he loves people, the birds that fly, the fish that swim, and all the creatures of the forest."

'It's an innovative way to boost attendance.'

Words falling out of bible.

"It's amazing how far you can go with a positive attitude."

The Good Samaritan.

"It's the quarantine cloud."

'I'm going to check with my pastor to see what the Bible says about this operation.'

"So, all this talk about appealing to our better angels..."

"Landscapes are nice but have considered painting still lifes?...maybe apples?"

I know it was the biggest moment in your life, but honey - our wedding was six months ago.

'Osgood was a theologian back on Earth, and he thought all this stuff would be allegorical.'

"No one rides off into me anymore."

Internal Clocks.

'I hate it when teen angst becomes mid-age angst.'

"Highlighting your Bible doesn't make you more spiritual than anyone else."

"But Wendy could serve the Lord. She'll keep the cats out."