Eternal Client Whisperer Pillows

Typical of Tim, thinking of his clients to the end!

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

Fixing the Computer.

Computer help.

"Love your feng shui!"

"I'm really great thanks. The boss loves my ideas, he says I'm ahead of my time!" "Hi John, how are you? Good meeting?"

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'Right here is where your imaging data is clogging up all of your bandwidth.'

'Your 11:15 is here, to ratify the new agreement.'

"Tell the employees that from now I want them to do as I say, not as I do."

"He works well with everyone except customers and co-workers."

"Just got back from the client meeting and great news. . . your work isn't dead. It's beaten senseless and run over by a dump truck...but still very much alive."

'Then again - no pain, no gain.'

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

"It's important to see 'beyond the obvious' when you look at a customer. . ."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

'Oh, it's about what I expected...I'm on hold for eternity to some tech rep in India.'

"Shoot it? Shoot it? I don't even know which end of the darn thing to aim at it!"

'Mom, Dad, it's nice of you to visit me at the store, but you know, I am working.'

"Don't worry Sir, you're not the first person to ask for a refund and you probably won't be the last!"

Plug Me In Stupid

Freudian vs Behavior therapist.

This is Mr Smith from Big Data Mining. He says he's found an insight.

'I think our filing system is a little too obvious.'

"He likes to make clients feel important..."

G.P.S. satellites gone bad