Estate Sales Pillows

'It was owned by my sister, a little old lady who only used it on sundaes.'

'Oooh, look! A self-euthanizing kit! 'Only used once.''

Are you bidding Mrs Bixler, or are you berating Mr. Bixler again?'

"Oh look. Thornton - is that one of those wing-and-a-prayer chairs?"

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'The housing market may be flat, but pillow-fort construction is blooming!'

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

'I'm retiring soon and looking for something more comfortable...like a loafer.'

Building Site - Life Jackets must be worn.

'He's going to be an estate agent, just like his Dad.'

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

'The roof needs icing.'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

Reverse Mortgage.

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

'Do you have any properties with a termite infestation?'

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

"Great for worship then! Great for retail now!"

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

'Is the fire included?'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

Mouse real estate!

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

"I want to live in a neighborhood where I can walk around at night."

"I'm a real estate developer and I'm just looking over this area."

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.