Essay Critic Gifts

You'll have to explain this horrible essay grade to my dad. He thought it was some of his best work!

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

First Novels.

Thomas Mann.

Reading my Critics

Jean-Paul Sartre

Blue Stockings

"Now I really hate poetry."

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Why we need poetry. . .

No Elgar!

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

German Expressionist Breakfast

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Shakespeare was bisexual

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

"Oh, this old thing?"

The Proust of Twitter

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

"I did the math. If we want to read all of Proust in this lifetime, we have to start tomorrow morning."

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

"It's felt to be his most thought provoking work."

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."