Escrow Expert Pillows

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

Counting part time employees is the new math.

'And this is the computer that sends out our final demands.'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

'Discipline for the PIIGS.'

'Well, I'm glad to have you with us!'

"They call me the king of railroad salvage - 'they' being my wife, actually."

The euro currency is a bomb.

"Ed always wears a poker face. His specialty is password encryption at the NSA."

Cat with all the hair he has ever shed

Optician: 'I can't seem to switch off.'

Bird watching in Bolivia

Nutty Assistants

Abraham Lincoln sends his first bill - Three score dollars and ten.

Now hiring: crowdfunding expert to reduce the US budget deficit.

'Our cries of Armageddon were completely ignored, so let's just keep throwing money at the economy.'

Office of Management & Budget. Now hiring: crowdfunding expert to reduce the U.S. budget deficit.

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

Euro-Meltdown

"I started plucking my eyebrows, and I couldn't stop..."

Hellenic Hacksaw

'I'd like you to install a combination lock on our refrigerator door. . .'

"Look what I bought at Ofelia's yard sale."

"We ran your credit rating and came up with a negative number."

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

"I know your work is highly classified, but couldn't you at least unencrypt yourself before you come home?"

Your appreciation of the Dutch National Soccer Team is interfering with your duties as an escrow officer.

You Think Your Phone Is Spying on You.

Expert and Ex-Pert

Pay Now - Live Later. Message to the Greek Taxpayer.

'Why is it women spend hours plucking their eyebrows...then spend hours penciling them back in again!'

At bat is number eight, Sidonski, who leads the league in home runs, RBI's, and product endorsement fees.