Epicurean Hound T-Shirts

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"Hickory smoke—that's what gives it that hearty Western flavor."

"You arrived as bottom-feeders, but you shall leave as bottom-gourmands."

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

Michel Roux Jr

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Paul Bocuse caricature

"This robot barista is so authentic it even got my name wrong."

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'This Beef Wellington is as tough as old boots.'

Anthony Bourdain with Chopsticks

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

'On your way back from the Holy Land, can you stop at Paris and pick up some creme brulee?'

"The book, How to Serve Man! It's. . . It's a cook book, filled with recipes that use MSG and transfats!"

Survival of the Foodiest

Romance novel writers make the best waiters. 'Tonight's special is chicken: ample,milky white breasts, touched with a slight hesitation of strong,rigid basil, too headstrong to stay and too scared to stop.'

Nick's Greek Restaurant: Special - Nick's own translation of the Odyssey

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"

"Do you have a strain that pairs well with Chunky Monkey?"

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

'Now, if you can get them when they're still in the clamshell, their adrenalin is way higher which enhances the taste. In fact, here comes one right now!'

"What's good here?"

"Wow - good job!"

'Which wine should I serve with tofu meat loaf and seaweed salad?'