Environmental Art T-Shirts

"Yes, it's oil-paint: It's difficult to find water for watercolours around here..."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

(Camel paintings)

Painting clouds

Gardener Cutting Tree into 'Rock' Symbol.

The Selfie

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Wagging Dog

Maybe there's something to this global warming after all.

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

Cats at private view

'I want to immortalise the area in a painting before it is changes for ever.' (Artist is scooped up by a digger.)

"I love your work!"

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"He's an abstract artist."

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

Anyone would think it's Frieze week...

"Typical venue, just providing male washroom facilities!"

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'It's my main decorating motif.'

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

"Hmmm...I wonder what the artist is trying to say...?"

"It's called 'Sold'."

Kapoor & Piss-poor (Anish Kapoor sculpture beside Marcel Deschamps urinal)

Smithsonian

"The museum of modern art on fire... an installation."

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'

Instant art

Sculptor's chippings

"A conundrum, rather than an outright mess, I think, Mrs Ellis..."