Enthusiastic Couch Fan Pillows

'My husband hadn't kicked up his heels in 20 years, but he couldn't leave well enought alone.'

'That was fun!'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

Couch and Potato

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"So which one of you pesky dogs stole the last cookie from the bottom of the jar?"

Eventual Motion Machine

Foam finger gets stuck up a foam nose.

"Your team should sign that bluebottle, it has chased the ball all over the pitch."

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

'My tux is at the cleaners.'

"Let's welcome Elaine back from her two weeks in Hawaii and hope this passes soon..."

"You need the exercise, so I bought you a bigger remote."

"What is it about an unfavorable soccer outcome that makes me want to wreak immediate havoc in the streets?"

Family wearing shin guards to protect against the kid in a play car.

Cupid fires an arrow into a football.

"Of course I'm polite, I'm cordial!"

"How much for the couch without the potato?"

'Excuse me, coach - but are we the hugs or the kisses?'

Shark Surfing the Waves.

"I know that in these bad times nobody is hiring and workers are still being laid off, but what will be your excuse when the economy recovers?"

John bought himself a new "Unfit" bracelet.

Football Drinks

"Rats, we can't bow ride this one: it's a hovercraft..."

"I don't want to sound simplistic, but I think a smaller couch with fewer throw pillows would help this marriage a lot."

Propriety

'Darling! This isn't a property programme at all! It's the view from our living room window..'

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

Can you feel the electricity in the air?...

American Idle