Entertainment Writer Prints

"90% of entertainment is now nostalgia, the rest is dystopia."

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

'Do you want to see the 'wow' factor?'

'The TV was so lousy last night I nearly switched it off.'

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

They hated me.

Showbiz Awards

Benedict Cumberbatch

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

A Guide to Balloon Animals

The Rooster Comedian.

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

Television Readers.

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

Champagne

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

Cow Show Tunes

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

Cord cutter

"Bloody hell!"

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

The First Fire Stick