Entertainment Journalist Prints

Runaway Bride.

'CD's: Manufactured pop groups as seen on tv!'

"I'm very proud. Someone I've been stalking has been nominated for an Academy Award."

'They use it for celebrity arrests.'

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

The entertainment sector performed well on news that there is no business like show business.

'The girl on the right, danced with a man, who danced with a girl, who danced with the Prince of Wales.'

'Entertainment stocks were up on rumours that there's no business like show business.'

Pop star weather report.

'I miss the days when disputes would resolve themselves in the tabloids.'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

Time for today's dose of emotional manipulation...

Paparazzi at the Local Dump

"He loves to give autographs!"

"It's a play on words."

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

Nicole Kidman, Hugh Grant & Kaley Cuoco

CELEBRITY NEWS TEAM"Now here's Frank Sinatra with the weather."

"Today the American public at long last O.D.'d on Pee-wee Herman, briefly settled its attention on Bruce Willis, then finally decided to embrace an all-new, revitalized, state-of-the-art Richard Nixon."

"Whitewater for two hundred, Alex."

Still hemorrhaging; NBC cancels "The Cheeseheads"

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"I never watched him at eleven-thirty-five and I didn't watch him at ten, and now, once again, I won't be watching him at eleven-thirty-five."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

"We need to sue, claiming free speech is being violated by remotes with fast forward buttons."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

An acceptable level of TV violence.

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

The GODFATHER Ride 25¢

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

Morgue - "Welcome to 'Celebrity Autopsy'"