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The First Fire Stick

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

The Zoo.

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

"I've come across a rather disturbing find, Carstairs!"

Tunnel of Love/Lover's Leap.

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

End the Winter Blues

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Wolf Karaoke

Big screen TV.

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

'Sorry, miss. It seems to be stuck!'

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

Showing off the good china 3-7 pm.

'Red rover, red rover, send Billy right over!'

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

"She's all over YouTube."

So far the coaching exchange program was hitting a few snags.

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

Medieval headlines.

"I gotta cut you off, Pierre. That's your tenth 'pretend Manhattan' since you got here."

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

"They certainly are jolly creatures aren't they?"

'I wish I hadn't coloured in all that bread, now.'

John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.

Photobooth Photobomb

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.