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Next: I'm STILL a 'D' list celebrity - sack my agent!

"Who's the actress that's married to the guy who was in that movie about cops with the actor who starred with the woman in that TV show about doctors?"

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"It's a play on words."

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"Of course I'm dressed like a cheap w***e! It's Halloween! Duhh!"

"Mum, I got the job!"

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

"We need to sue, claiming free speech is being violated by remotes with fast forward buttons."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"You're wasting your time, I'll never understand which one is Liam Hemsworth and which one is Chris Hemsworth."

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

CELEBRITY NEWS TEAM"Now here's Frank Sinatra with the weather."

'Therapy in L.A.'

'The Final Merger'

"We interrupt this rubbish to give you another chance to switch off."

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

"I can sleep late, but, as his agent, I still get ten percent of the worm."

Pop star weather report.

Actors getting married. 'Best supporting man'

Trump commissions song

Still hemorrhaging; NBC cancels "The Cheeseheads"

Larry David

'And who are you wearing?'

"So I play this guy named Stan Snorkel who finds a big, gray poodle..."