English Language Expert Pillows

'Kid, I don't know if the plural is hippopotomi or hippopotamuses. I just say we've got one hippopotamus and then we've got another.'

A Puppet Named Juan

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Punctuation Police

Shakespeare was bisexual

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

Smith Academy. A Tradition of Excellense.

Thomas Hardy

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

"Nevermore." "You don't have to use 'air quoths' every time."

Harv's general clumsiness with prepositions comes back to haunt him.

Sometimes Y Turn

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

William Faulkner

Why do you direct the school musical, Mr. K? It's a privilege

"'Grim Reapers' was considered too offensive, these days we're known as 'afterlife facilitators.'"

Lord Byron

We Will Beat Any Genuine Quote...

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Staff Yearbook

Present Tense/Present Simple/Present Progressive/Present Perfect/Present Past.

The First Sentence Fragment: 'Hey, don't -'

'Do you always have to shout? Well? Do you? Huh?'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

CHAUCER 411, 'Boy -- that guy spells worse than I do!'

Some Hamlet-based puns

"Okay, okay. 'Canine.' That's 'K-N-i-N-E.' Oh rats!"

The Raven in Flight

"After reviewing your resume, I don't think you should be teaching English - I think you should be study English."

Language purists bring correctness to a whole new level, forcing a name change for Ireland's most famous band.

'Please, Miss, surely 'trousers' should be singular at the top and plural at the bottom?'

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

"So I'm like, doesn't anyone speak proper English any more?"

Harmon Silas, calculating the thousand words his picture is worth, wonders what do do with contractions.