English Language Expert Pillows

'Kid, I don't know if the plural is hippopotomi or hippopotamuses. I just say we've got one hippopotamus and then we've got another.'

A Puppet Named Juan

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Punctuation Police

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

Shakespeare was bisexual

Smith Academy. A Tradition of Excellense.

Thomas Hardy

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

"Nevermore." "You don't have to use 'air quoths' every time."

Harv's general clumsiness with prepositions comes back to haunt him.

Sometimes Y Turn

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

We Will Beat Any Genuine Quote...

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Staff Yearbook

Lord Byron

"'Grim Reapers' was considered too offensive, these days we're known as 'afterlife facilitators.'"

Present Tense/Present Simple/Present Progressive/Present Perfect/Present Past.

The First Sentence Fragment: 'Hey, don't -'

'Do you always have to shout? Well? Do you? Huh?'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

CHAUCER 411, 'Boy -- that guy spells worse than I do!'

"Okay, okay. 'Canine.' That's 'K-N-i-N-E.' Oh rats!"

The Raven in Flight

Some Hamlet-based puns

"After reviewing your resume, I don't think you should be teaching English - I think you should be study English."

'Please, Miss, surely 'trousers' should be singular at the top and plural at the bottom?'

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

Harmon Silas, calculating the thousand words his picture is worth, wonders what do do with contractions.

"So I'm like, doesn't anyone speak proper English any more?"

"It's not easy texting my mother. She's an English teacher and all she does is correct my spelling."