Engagement Ring Detective Pillows

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

'We recommend that you get a ring of equal weight for the other hand to prevent improper alignment of your spine.'

“It's $195 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'OK, what's the catch?'”

That's supposed to say garage sale!

Sale.

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

Screwdriver labelled 'Buyer' and screw labelled 'seller'.

Customer Convention

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

Half-Price Haircut and Half-Cut Price Hair.

Pizza Special: 5 Pizzas for $50 (Limit 4).

'hold the blog - I got a bargain in the sales'

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

"I'm innocent. I've just never been able to pass up a good plea bargain."

Micro and Macro Department,

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

Don't forget to read the small print.

Buy One Get One Free Sign Outside Shoe Shop

"I give you the seven-billion dollar pup, then you give me back the seven-billion-dollar pup."

The Bargain Brand

Devil in the detail

Black Friday

Boomerang Sale! - No Returns

"I just audited our books. Your register came up five cents short, Rudy."

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"Which will it be - do we label it '20% free', and raise the price 20%, or label lit '40% free', and raise the price 40%?"