Engagement Cynic Pillows

Man with engagement ring on his nose - "Can I have the box back too?"

The prying mantis,

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

"But will it distract the public's attention enough that they mindlessly buy our products?"

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

"I've given up trying to be on top of things."

Body Language Expert - 'You don't like your job do you?'

If all else fails, give up.

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

Targets

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

'You're too big to fail and be fired, but too small to move up to the job you'd like'

Personnel

Jones, Needham, Pinkner, Fortney - Just doing their jobs.

"I can't wait till after the election when everything will be perfect."

"Of course, your case against him would be a lot stronger if you had made him sign a pre-peccadillo agreement."

'And will you take this man to the cleaners....'

'You'll have to excuse my husband - he's got compassion fatigue.'

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"She married him because he was the only man she met who was worth divorcing."

'I hate my boss!...'

"Bottom line - don't forget to lie."

"You said your pictures were recent."

Punch Card: 'The next divorce is on me.'

"I married him for his intelligence, turns out that was artificial as well!"

'I see you hold degrees in eating, sleeping, AND mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the other college graduates who have applied.'