End Times Explorer Pillows

"Honey, could you grab the Bible? I need to double-check something."

"We're following Carrot Top."

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

"I did my report on time travel, but my dog ate my homework in the future."

Baby rocks!

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

'This is just an informal pledge that we all go through.'

A man looking into a mirror saying "HA!"; his reflection looking back at him from the mirror is saying "!AH".

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.

'It's the Mesolithic Age? - But I just got used to the PALEOlithic!'

'He's always looking for an argument!'

'I'll need to see some ID.'

"Great. I guess he'll win again."

Do it yourself -- get someone else to do it -- get son to do it -- pay -- don't bother doing it -- move house

''What say we knock off early tonight and go to a microbrewery?'

Holocene, Pleistocene, Pliocene, Miocene, Oligocene, Eocene, Lettuce, Tomatoes, Onions.

"After the Great Seagull Reincarnation, we'll spend eternity stealing sandwiches and defecating as we please."

Selling to the devil.

Snack machine in EastEnders canteen has a sign saying: 'Well out of order.'

At the Olympic qualifiers for staring out the window

Fortune Teller.

'You won't go away empty-handed. We have some lovely parting gifts, including the fun, home version!'

'Everything else was sold out. Stop whining about the end zone seats.'

Wanted to live forever, died trying.

"I hope we haven't come at a bad time."

'You're new at this, aren't you?'

'Well, we'd better review the tapes.'

Philosophical Doomsayers.

'Eternity? Is that more than a decade?'

"Village church. Monday: Apocalypse. No bingo."

Deadline Clock

The last run of the day.

"Boy, do I have an autograph album to show you?!"

'Getting warmer... warmer... hot... boiling hot...'