End-time Theorists Pillows

'The Rapture! It happened! We've been left behind!'

"Call me?"

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.

A car's soul escapes as it expires at the meter.

"And from Newton's second law on rigid bodies it can be shown that force equals mass times acceleration...I'll show you."

''Time is an illusion'? - How long did it take you to come up with that?'

"I always forget. Is this the day we spin ahead one hour?"

Have you heard that time is not a constant, Randy? Of course, little buddy It's called "time dilation." Time moves slower for objects in motion than it does for objects that sit still. I'm a prime example. I haven't aged a day in decades. I still have rippling muscles, a smooth pelt, glistening teeth, twinkling eyes, a raging libido, and the boundless confidence of youth ... all because I'm always on the move. I'm writing a study on it for the Journal of Temporal Hotness. I've been meaning to as

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

The End is Relative

'Time? Time's relative.'

"But part of me hopes there never is an Armageddon."

"Would it have killed you to shave first?"

'The End is Near' and 'There's No End In Sight.'

'You ask him to sing. I don't speak Italian.'

"He was a prolific writer who made a lot of mistakes and eventually lost his mind. It all sounds so pointless."

The End.

Modern day doomsayer

'You're new at this, aren't you?'

'Well, we'd better review the tapes.'

"15%? We all tipped 20%"

"Trust me. It's not a God-given right."

'You can take that off now.'

'Tomorrow isn't good for me. How about tonight?'

'Bugger!'

How to make money for the apocalypse.

'Well, he certainly lived every day as if it was his last...'

The end is near. Prepare to meet thy maker. Man, I hate that guy - all doom and no gloom. The end is near.

'I'm not complaining, but shouldn't we be in training for Armageddon or something?'

Strikes notices a doomsayer on the picket line.

"Village church. Monday: Apocalypse. No bingo."

Dodo with 'the end is nigh' placard.

"Good thing we got to you first. Inland Revenue wants you for Irregularities in Pension Payments."

"It costs too much to live."