End Of Relationship Pillows

"We're still working out joint custody."

"What do you mean, she's handed in her notice?"

"God, you know what? You're sweet, but I just got out of a long thing."

I'm sorry, Dick. I think we should start seeing other demons.

"It could never work between us."

'She was really hot, which is exactly why I had to end the relationship.'

Nethead strip: Chucked by girlfriend over time spent on computer

"I'm sure you'll find some other girl, Tom, one that you don't make sick to her stomach!"

"I'm sorry Tim, but our online profiles aren't compatible anymore!"

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Hollywood Breakup

"Sorry Frank, but I can no longer go on with this charade. Not only am I not your best friend, I'm not even sure if I like you at all."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

Ice Cream Flavors

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

Generation Ex.

'Don't take it the wrong way, we could always be friends'

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

"I can be changed!"

"It's not you—it's natural selection."

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

It's just not going to work. I'm looking for a mole with more tunnel vision.

The final all-toast supper at apartment 5-B

The sunsets on Barry and Beryl's relationship:'Very funny Beryl, but you better dig me out now...'

"This time, she went too far."

'It's not you...it's your carbon footprint!'

"'Holy cow... She can't spell for #!@*. Is that a 'T' or an 'L'? This entire letter is a grammatical nightmare!"

"I wanted this to work, too James, but it's time we accepted it - I am entirely grass and you are clearly some part of the cat's face."

"When the divorce is final, Carl, and I've taken you for all you're worth, I hope we can still be friends."

'He used to be my tiger, now he's nothing more than a skunk, a boar and a lying toad.'

"You've changed."