End Of Relationship Pillows

"We're still working out joint custody."

"What do you mean, she's handed in her notice?"

"God, you know what? You're sweet, but I just got out of a long thing."

I'm sorry, Dick. I think we should start seeing other demons.

"It could never work between us."

"I feel the fire has gone out of our relationship."

'She was really hot, which is exactly why I had to end the relationship.'

Nethead strip: Chucked by girlfriend over time spent on computer

"I'm sure you'll find some other girl, Tom, one that you don't make sick to her stomach!"

"I'm sorry Tim, but our online profiles aren't compatible anymore!"

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Being with you is just getting too surreal for me, Larry."

Hollywood Breakup

"Sorry Frank, but I can no longer go on with this charade. Not only am I not your best friend, I'm not even sure if I like you at all."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

Ice Cream Flavors

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

"He just married me on the rebound."

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

'Don't take it the wrong way, we could always be friends'

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

Generation Ex.

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

"It's not you—it's natural selection."

"I can be changed!"

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

"I watched that Marie Kondo program on decluttering and decided to get rid of Norman."

It's just not going to work. I'm looking for a mole with more tunnel vision.

The final all-toast supper at apartment 5-B

"I wanted this to work, too James, but it's time we accepted it - I am entirely grass and you are clearly some part of the cat's face."

We have to accept we'll never be together – we're both corner pieces.

"When the divorce is final, Carl, and I've taken you for all you're worth, I hope we can still be friends."

"This time, she went too far."