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'I dunno-won't it make the wife MORE of the knowall she already is?'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"Dinosaurs are cool!"

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

Wildlife A-Z: 'Where the heck are zebras?'

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

Irritable Vowel Syndrome

The Wiki Man.

"We need a better distribution system."

Ernie's looking up the meaning of "palindrome". Dictionary. Aha!

"Da, I know what opprobrium means."/ "That's great, son. Do you know anyone else who does?"

24 Words for Melting Snow

'Big Issue!'

Einstein discovers that the speed of light is 186,000 miles per second, but the speed of Lite beer is only 65 MPH.

Donald Trump

'That's like, so random!' (teenager reading about the laws of chance)

Centipedia.

Singulars: spaghetto, broccolo, jacuzzo.

No Need To Hurry! Everything Must GO!

"I'm trying to find another word for thesaurus."

Like every Tuesday, Dirk spends the evening working on his biography on Wikipedia.

"Hello, I'm Clifton Latimer."

"It's a new word I created. I'm still working on a new definition for it."

"I've been to college, but I'm selling magazines to pay off my student loans."

Wordplay: Inverted.

"Colin never bothered with a seatbelt. The pub quiz team never recovered."

Irony - also spelled 'ironie', Ironie - also spelled 'irony'.

"Why don't you just apply for a government bailout, Daddy?"

"Who rang that bell?"

'I've been reduced to a sexual innuendo'

Art Gallery - Comics.

"Congratulations, you just bought the book WE put up for auction!"

Wordplay: Trash

'How to survive chapter 11.'

"I understand he's here on a business trip."