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Medical Data Base of Useful Information, 5K. Medical Data base of useless information, 500,000,000 MB.

'This is the third one today. Why can't the gynecologists have their convention someplace other than Vegas?'

'Hi, I'm from search and rescue, try not to move!'

"Well, at least we know she died peacefully."

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

'Victim has third-degree coverage across 46% of his face! We need to get him to the trauma center, stat!'

"Can't you fellas read the sign? I can't let you wheel him in here."

Medieval CPR

Trying to remember the mime lick maneuver

"Mental note to self: rethink theory of survival of the fittest."

Using a Defibrillator a paramedic can tell if Pinocchio is lying.

'Wait 'til you see our new defibrillator. It's a Michael Graves design.'

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

'Gesundheit.'

'Whom should I call first? 911 or the audio technician?'

'It's great that they taught you CPR, but I wish they'd also given you breath mints.'

Kid sells underwear outside of hospital emergency doorway.

"Wait a minute! I forgot to sign my scorecard."

Resusci Annie takes a well-earned vacation.

"Will he be okay?"

'Stre-e-e-e-tch-her?'

'Gesundheit! You must have an uncommon cold.'

Fast Food Restaurant Employees Discuss a Defibrillator. 'Maybe we should keep it under the counter.'

'No, he's not performing the Heimlich Maneuver!'

Bad Luck Email.

A paramedic-in-training's nightmares.

"Primal scream therapy drawbacks."

Unexpected Error

Unexpected Error

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

Teddy bear being taken to hospital.

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

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Don't worry, the first 30 years as a paramedic are the hardest.