Employment History Gifts

"So I take it that having your head cryogenically frozen accounts for the thirty-five year gap in employment?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

37 years in the same position.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

'What a drive! Our boy's going to go a long, long way.'

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'These are job perks.'

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

I'm a self-made man!

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

How are you at decision making?

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'