Employers Pillows

"Tom, mentoring is more than encouraging people to be just like you."

'An MBA from Harvard is quite impressive. But you'll still have to start off at the bottom here. You start serving coffee in the cafeteria on Monday.'

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

Boss about employee: 'He has a spark of genius, but he also has ignition problems.'

'I only need a job until I win the lottery.'

"Briggs is running our stress at work assessment."

"You have a great resume... experience... education... history... but there is one thing we'd like to see that you don't have..." "A birth certificate issued sometime around 1975."

"They didn't give me a watch - they just told me what time it was."

"Paid leave? You're doing well to get paid for when you're here."

'The budget doesn't allow for a Christmas party . . . . .'

We should promote many of our staff to management positions...

'Henderson likes to keep a low profile.'

'Find out who he is and why we haven't got to him yet.'

"Sorry boss - can't get in today - I'm snowed in."

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

'Any other messages, Ms. Richards?'

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

'I am not my job... my job is not me... I do not need my job to give my life a purpose...' 'Hey, did you hear the news? We're all laid off!' 'Stupid affirmations!'

'I'm not saying that "women-run" businesses are perfect....'

"It's a company car. They gave it to me right before I stopped showing up for work."

'Employers' hugging a huge piggy bank handed down from 'Workers comp reform'.

'We can't let the girl on work experience go, she is the only one who can change a ink cartridge.'

In case of emergency, break glass.

'The payroll checks didn't come in, but don't worry. I'm dipping into my son's weekly allowance to make sure you all get paid.'

'This CD is the number one from the management charts. It's called 'The whining and whimpering of those who got the pink slip'.'

'The good news is that I'm prepared to offer you a six figure annual salary. The bad news is that it includes the decimal.'

'I'm afraid we'll have to let you go Hopkins. Before you get this company a sexual harrassment case!'

Accountant to job seeker: 'Any skills besides being good at Sudoku?'

...When are you going to make your retirement official?

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

The state off graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my coleegues agree that there maths isn't much better!

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

"Not the best motivational statement I've ever seen!"