Employee Wellness Gifts

'The company bought you a health club membership, and now you want to take sick leave?'

"On the bright side, I'd like to point out that employee posture has never been better."

"We need to something about the 'work/life' balance issue...Get something prepared for me over the weekend and have it on my desk first thing Monday!"

'Toilet breaks are for LOSERS!'

'It's noble of you to want to keep your employees happy, but I can't help by prescribing something for them.'

"Staff support"

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"Yes, I saw the obituary. So, is that why you weren't in yesterday?"

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"Well, all the symptoms of just another typical case of burnout, I'm afraid."

'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

'Do you really think shoulder-to-wheel and nose-to-grindstone are valid yoga positions?'

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

Office Ergonomics.

"It's hard to keep good people."

"What's this I hear about you not having an ulcer?"

The Dangers of National Safety Week.

'And one and two and let change through and three and four and collapse on the floor.'

"This is what I took away from the meeting."

Performance Management: "We decided to get rid of the stick and just use the carrots."

"I don't think we can put off dealing with 'presenteeism' any longer."

'Many of our employees are under a lot of pressure. This keeps them from getting the bends if they begin to unwind too quickly.' (Decompression chamber)

Days without an incident.

If you know that you would benefit from a 15 minute nap during the day, do your best to take one.

"My sensitivity trainer says I have to say 'good morning.'"

a crash-test dummy is performing some affirmations before going to work

"They never told us what carrying twenty times our own weight would do to our knees."

'I hear they've named a new stress syndrome after me.'

'What does carpal tunnel syndrome feel like?'

Office Safety.

'We got here too late. All his fizz is gone!'

'No, Stanworth, feeling sick of your job does not qualify you for sick leave.'

"The company offers free Yoga and aerobics. You'll bend over backwards and jump through hoops."

Healthy and happy workers are productive workers!

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'