Employee Engagement Specialist Pillows

'Of course, the first rule of effective management is active participation.'

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'Well, I must say I never thought team-building exercises could be such fun.'

Target your customer.

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'Or you can rent by the week...'

"I've written the employees' benefit manual in invisible ink"

'We like the teamwork idea, but Billy won't let us play with his ball.'

Teacher getting the childrens attention by pretending to be on television.

'I've been to better motivational seminars.'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

Data Extraction Social Media Theme Park

Caricature of Noam Chomsky

'What do you mean, 'away team'? -- You're firing me, aren't you?'

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

'Oh, you'll love working here. Nobody treats you any differently just becuase of your age, race, or gender.'

Suggestion box: 'Build a bigger Complaints box'.

"Corporate thinks it's time we updated our motivational strategies."

"Admit it Johnson, isn't a pat on the back more intrinsically rewarding than a salary rise?"

'This new 'flexible working' scheme is a great idea. . . It helps us to identify staff who have a more balanced life. People who have interests outside of the office.'

That's a good question, Ossie... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?

Suggestion box paper shredder.

Efficiency Expert: Back at 3:17:03

Healthy and happy workers are productive workers!

Employment Counselor. That's terrible! What kind of company fires you for taking a day off? A calendar company.

"The purpose of the exit interview is to underline that you are fired."

'Instead of firing me, he could have tolerated mediocrity a little longer.'

"Nothing but 'I told you sos'."

My, my, we're justs a little overprotective of our propriety knowledge, aren't we?

"Accounts say that we can't afford to buy staff loyalty but we might be able to rent it."

'Communication within the company is really bad according to this report.'

'I just don't get it. The new motivational posters aren't helping at all!'

'Hargreaves - I understand you have an idea for improving staff morale?'

'Don't look at this as a demotion, look at it as the stripping away of your last shred of dignity.'

'The union card does it every time.'