Emotionally Challenged Pillows

"He finds it difficult to get in touch with his emotions."

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

Prawn Amend

Woman walking into Inner Beauty Salon.

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

"There's my very first school - where I learned how to hug."

"I see your thirty. I hear your thirty. I validate your thirty."

'My body is a temple. A temple full of fat people.'

'Please do not ask for change.'

"You know what I bet it is? I bet we're breaking up but we just don't realize it yet."

"I can't come out, Mary is having one of her marathon cries."

"Well which do you think is more likely, your pillow is growing hair or you're losing yours?"

Pretty Soon: Increasingly dim TV newscasters will need help knowing what emotions to convey when they are 'reporting'.

Speaker: 'I've lost my will to go on ... is there a motivational speaker in the house?'

'He's the only one that wasn't let go due to the bad economy and now he has survivor guilt!'

"With therapy, I've found I don't need it."

"Which version of yourself was the one who sabotaged the relationship?"

"I think I'm making progress. My agonized ambivalence has given way to plain old agony."

Get-Well Cards For Moods

Reading a Eulogy.

"Try and give me... happy."

'Thank you for coming...I'll be ok...grief is the price we pay for love...'

'Ever thought of seeing a meteorologist?'

'He's just messing with your mind.'

"Why don't you take up a sport,son-like long distance running-away from home...?"

Good cop, sad cop.

"Rooting for them is a disease, Ben. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

Chuckie's test results come back negative.

"Your tired eyes are red and irritated because you put sleeping medicine in them. That's not how it works, Mr. Jenkins."

'I lost my best friend last year and Lisa, here, is part of my support group.'

'You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray...'

I don't know what to say, I'm sorry you guys broke up...

Anti-depressants: Pull Yourself Together.