Emotional Sustenance Seeker Pillows

"Why shouldn't I cry? Even the cake is in tiers."

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'Oh for heaven's sake, you're a cow. Just eat grass and be happy.'

After the Sentence

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

Codepetdency Counseling: "He won't even sit on my lap anymore."

The bluebird of happiness couldn't make it. I'm the finch of eh, I can't complain.

Thin Tank and Emote Tank.

'My building inspector just doesn't understand me.'

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

"I've had enough sweets for one day."

Storage Unit of Love

'With this organ transplant, you may find yourself doing a lot of thinking with your heart,'

Ice Cream Flavors

"Eating huge amounts of chocolate sometimes helps."

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

"Mini-cupcakes never solved anything."

"I'd like to see you every Tuesday, forever."

"She's passed out...quick! take her pulses!"

"So, I said to the lion, 'You want proof laughter ensures emotional health?... Ever seen a hyena in therapy?!'"

A triathlon for the lazy and unfit.

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

Just one of the many ways self-help books can improve people's lives.

'Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can't even get into my own pants.'

"Seasonal depression and existential depression and political depression for the trifecta."

"Living underground is not what it used to be."

A new study found that people with low expectations are more content.

Greedy child

"I do count my blessings, but then I end up counting those of others who have more and better blessings, and that pisses me off."

"So I can eat better here at work."

Anxiety

"If you ask me, we're better off without her."

"I'm thinking about working on something really big, but for now I'm just happy keeping my plants alive."