Emmy Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Not to brag, but every TV show I'm currently watching has been nominate for multiple Emmy awards."

Ed Asner - 1929-2021

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

Jack Gleeson

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

Desert Island Statue of Liberty.

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

'Guess what? I won again.'

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

Showing off the good china 3-7 pm.

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

Frank's bar & grill & jukebox & pool table & chairs & bathroom & mechanical bull & tables & karaoke machine & drinking fountain & lamps & fire extinguisher & doors & floors...

Starvation Watching

John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

Soccer coach of the year.

'It's nice, but I wish we could get more than one channel.'

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

Statue of Liberty from the Staten Island Ferry trip.

Barbie Oscars

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"Lets watch a martial arts movie."