Emergency Broadcast Collector Pillows

"This Is A Test. This station is conducting a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. This Is Only A Test Right?"

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

'Cock-a-doodle-do!'

"Nuts to you, too."

Hey. Hey. Polly wants some folly.

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"This new phone app for opening the beer is great, Bruce!"

Broken Alarm Clock.

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

The Cat's Alarm Clock

'Yes, our phones have WIRES attached to them! We're no free-range blabbermouths in this household!'

The other digital divide.

Wake the eff up with the official New York City alarm clock. Choose your distress signal: car horns, sirens, barking, heat pipes, mouse feet. Guaranteed to disturb!

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

'We suspect death by Sunday supplement.'

'Universal remote, my eye!'

Headstone reading 'Only Sleeping'.

Horace Greeley's Storm Battered Coat and Hat

"An alarm clock?! Wow... What have I done to make you hate me so much, Louise?"

Orthopaedist

Since the invention of the remote control, the average American man has gained 34 pounds!: 'Where is that thing!?'

Walk, Don't Walk, Laugh.

'I'm just working my way through my DVD boxset of The Complete Everything That's Ever Been on TV.'

"You need the exercise, so I bought you a bigger remote."

NY Tribune Joins NY Herald on Hobby Horse of Anti-Grant Editorials

"It might be a better trick if you didn't use see-through glass"

Alarm

'And to mark your 50 years oversleeping...'

Lady leaving a crisis management office past an emergency panic button.

'Dang it! I can't find a voting app.'

'Could you guys do your bungee jumping somewhere else?'

Newspapers discussing how they are made from recycled paper.

John Wilkes Esq.

'I'm not keen on getting any more apps, but I just had to have this one - it takes my unusually neat handwriting and digitally converts it to sloppy doctor writing.'

"So how long have you had this ringing in your ears?"