Embracer Of Quirks Gifts

Feel good loser. NON WINNER

Tired Barbie

Some of us are calm on the surface but paddling like crazy underneath, and some of us are just the opposite.

'I'll grow old gracefully when I want to and not any sooner.'

The shape of things to come

'He's doing it again.'

Jack and the Beanie stock.

'Doing this was easy. Finding someone nuts enough to buy the crap - THAT'S art!'

Development of disgusting new flaws. Loving acceptance of your flaws.

Fortune teller predicts a bigger family for worried parents.

'I checked that birds and bees stuff on the internet, Dad -- it says you're full of baloney.'

Man rummaging through a TV set throwing out bits of paper

"I suppose it does him credit - he never was big on facing reality."

"For goodness sake, Wilf, trim your eyebrows -- they think you're one of them!"

"Teacher believes in performance-enhancing hugs."

"He married her for her stuff."

'Hurray! I'm a baby!'

"Aging disgracefully is much more fun."

'All of a sudden all they care about is boys...and make-up.'

Salman Rushdie

'Congratulations, your days of avoiding the real world are finally over.'

Organised Crime / Disorganised Crime

"It's incredible what nonsense people will believe as long as there are others who also believe."

The Artist

"Does my bump look big in this"

'You have a zit where?'

'What's happiness, it can't buy money.'

"Make it sassy, Jim."

"Okay, you're right! It's impossible to repack sardines!"

"Oh, I stopped wearing one. At my age there's no point in trying to fool Mother Nature."

Elephant and large lady both balancing on the scales. They weigh the same.

"Last week I caught a glimpse of my nude self in a mirror. Is there a medication that can erase that image from my memory?"

"Son, you can be gay or straight or liberal or conservative and I'll still love and support you. All I ask is that you not be a wimp."

"My preference is for someone who's afraid of closeness, like me."

'No, the chaos theory does not account for the state of your room.'