Embracer Of Awkward Moments Gifts

'I checked that birds and bees stuff on the internet, Dad -- it says you're full of baloney.'

'Miss Walker called me gifted in front of the whole class! How am I going to live that down?'

Showbiz Awards

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

You're so beautiful, I can't take my eyes off you, even though there's a fly in my soup doing the backstroke, which is comedy gold!

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

Always an awkward moment when you meet a Dung Beetle...

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"You and your daft inventions."

Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

'Well this is awkward.'

"I suppose I should have let a few minutes elapse between declaring my love for you and announcing that I also loved lobster."

'Show one more kitten photo,lady and the next time you see me will be on a 'missing' poster!'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

"Are you blushing?!"

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

'Look. . . for the last time, I'm not playin' 'footsie' with you!'

"If that girl sent over a double cappuccino, maybe you should go talk to her!"

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

"Say these things, don't think them!"

Speed Dating Disasters

"On a scale of 1-10, how painfully awkward is this?"

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

Baldo's How to Be Uncool: No. 5. Forget how hot the coffee is while you're thinking how cool you look sitting in a coffee shop.

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

"I think that one is a little too honest."

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"