Email Marketer Pillows

'And you say you check your e-mail on average three or four hundred times a day?'

"Auto reply: I am dead and will have limited access to e-mail."

'You've got Chain Mail!'

'I used to hate spam until I figured out how to make $78,000,000 sending it.'

'Thank you for your enquiry. This is an automated response...'

'Pressing the send button on your first day is a classic mistake.'

"Please disregard the previous message - it was inadvertently sent to everyone on our list."

Messenger of the gods in the digital age.

Email Forwards - Self Treatment for Hemorrhoids.

Anti-Spam Software Download.

"...it's where we keep all the e-mail that gets filtered out."

"She's opened the email... load the coupon cannon!"

God started to wonder if his spam filter was too effective.

"It says this email may contain sensitive information. Actually, the the material seems insensitive."

Can of spam 'free with every internet package.'

Smart reply has existential crisis

Agnes is haunted by an email that she received 14 days ago and meant to respond to, but continued to put off, and now is wondering if it might just be too late to respond to at all.

"Another company thinks I might like to keep receiving their emails!"

'Email brought us SPAM, but on the bright side, it killed Saturday delivery of junk mail from the post office.'

This is a very friendly email program. It dots the i's and crosses the t's with mustaches.

"Andy...Andy...I'm not finding...let me check my spam folder..."

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

'There's a guy out here who wants to kill the messenger.'

"You haven't answered one of the 180,000 spam emails I sent you. I thought I'd drop by to personally call you rude."

"Great, only 1,692,358 emails."

The REAL Victims of Spam

"Don't forget to click 'Reply All.'"

"You've got to compress it because my email account is limited to 3MB."

"A word of advice. . . next time you use the firm's intranet to send a message of undying love. Don't press 'send all'."

"Tell me we didn't just send that message without the attachment."

"I think it's rude of me to email you 200 unrequested jokes per day. I should be sending 500. I'll get right on that."

"Our planet no longer wants to receive email from yours."

'We have done it. We have created the first interactive junk mail.'

"You've got mail! Also, Time, CNN, HBO, ICQ, Warner Bros, Netscape, Sports Illustrated. . . . ."

Spam Folders