Email Marketing Specialist Pillows

"He must be a smart phone executive."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

Out and In.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'I'm sending another scam email requesting money to help free Willy...'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

Spam in Hell.

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

Executive Asks Death To Wait

'Harold is the brains behind the Smudge-o-Rama mailer.'

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

So, if you don't get this mail because I wrote the wrong address again, please reply to me a.s.a.p. Best, Bob

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

S.S.dot.com

E-waste - 'Well there's another hour gone on email.'

"Oh, and add a couple of intentional typos to my weekly email update...I want to appear warm and authentic!!"

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

'Everyone's in a rush these days!'

"I'm so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all."

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

'Im so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all.'

Messenger of the gods in the digital age.

The Horn of Unanswered Email

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."

"Our ideal employee will be able to answer email in their sleep."