Email Etiquette Geek Pillows

"I don't mind getting email from you, Stevens. But don't ever send me another smiley-face emoji."

"My email is down... talk to me."

Out and In.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

Spam in Hell.

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

Executive Asks Death To Wait

So, if you don't get this mail because I wrote the wrong address again, please reply to me a.s.a.p. Best, Bob

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

E-waste - 'Well there's another hour gone on email.'

"Oh, and add a couple of intentional typos to my weekly email update...I want to appear warm and authentic!!"

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"I'm so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all."

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

'Everyone's in a rush these days!'

'Im so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all.'

Messenger of the gods in the digital age.

The Horn of Unanswered Email

"Our ideal employee will be able to answer email in their sleep."

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

'We're looking for people who like to take work home.'

"Some e-mails just can't be ignored!"

"Are you sending emails or ZZZ mails?"

Do your emails stand out from the rest?

Pavlov's Great Great Grandson's Dog

'At 10:00 you'll be deleting spam. At 10:15 you'll be forwarding jokes. At 10:35 you'll be playing online poker. At noon...'

Office computer: 'Thank you for not using me for personal business.'