Email Etiquette Expert Pillows

A tombstone reads: please note, I will no longer be answering emails. If this is urgent contact Cliff or Rhoda.

"That was a typo. I need you to form a special task group."

"My son, using 'Reply All' is not a sin."

'Dude, you can't tweet condolences! That demands the gravitas of an email.'

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"There's nothing wrong with her. With e-mail, texting and tweeting, she just hasn't needed to learn to talk."

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

"I don't mind getting email from you, Stevens. But don't ever send me another smiley-face emoji."

"So I sold him six with a 23% profit margin, so what do you think of that!"

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"

'Are you crazy? -- You can't spam SANTA!'

Business relationships are tricky. While a handshake may not always seem enough, a hug is always too much.

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'

"Before you go through the gates of heaven think back to the early days of the internet. Did you ever visit or post anything homophobic, racist or sexist? Tell me now or I will find out."

"That time you realized your hashtags were longer than your message. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethingsWrongHere #spiritual-awakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #wontSome-bodyThink-of-The-Children?" "ERROR: You have exceeded the number of characters allowed." "That time you. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethings-WrongHere #spiritualawakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #

"For the last time, Maurice! Don't send out curses by e-mail!"

'That's insubordination! How dare you type in all caps to me!'

'When I texted you all regarding the manner in which he died, I was disappointed by how many of you responded with 'lol'.'

14 days since the last inappropriate e-mail

"Email tone is tricky... I can never tell if they're wagging."

'We've finally addressed the problem. Now find a stamp and get it outta here!'

Tweet Others As You Would Have Them Tweet You.

'I'm not being bullied...it's from my boss.'

The paperless office.

Procedure - A Fact.

"Every time I close my correspondence with 'warm regards' I feel a little creepy."

Cult of Informality

Queen at computer screen searching friends re: you knighted site.'

"I know you're new here, but the next time you send the boss a text, don't start it with 'OMG'!"

"Stop interrupting! I'm trying to have a conversation with someone."

Mad Cow Revolution

"I'm deleting my spam email. To save time, my email automatically puts all my spam in this special folder."

"If I ever make a phone call from a bus, do something about me."

"You wrote no hate posts, no xenophobic comments, no sex jokes, no insults, and no conspiracy theories since becoming a member."