Elite Eater Gifts

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

View to the Future

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'Now, think hard about it: Do you want to be known as the one who ate the last Dodo?'

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Personally I can't see anything wrong with GM crops!'

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"We would like to be genetically modified to taste like Brussels sprouts."

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

A boy who loves cows/burgers

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"Is it free-range?"

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"How 'local' is the fish?"

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"Now make sure your heat is high enough to sear your putrid meat quickly."

Alphabet soup

'Preparing free-range chicken requires an extremely patient chef.'

'Rob is a vegan.'