Elevator Humorist Gifts

'These elevators are slow, but it sure beats flying.'

"Sorry, Ma'am. Down only."

"Perhaps you read about it in National Geographic?"

Abandon Personal Space All Ye Who Enter Here

'Up' / 'Down'.

No one dared move while Ernie looked for a place to wipe his booger.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

Political Polls, Inc: (Elevator): 'Up. Down, Undecided/don't know'

Showoff! Bald man envies punk.

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

'Flight simulator'

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'...it's some distance away - but there are lots of 'em and they're edible.'

Astronaut: Pay and Display Only

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

The return of Miss Subways

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

Elevator buttons read: Way Up/up/Down/Way Down.

The Moon Falls Out of the Sky.

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

'I sold my house and got what I paid for it. But you bought it in 1962.'

Stand up comedians from outer space.

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

After our sun sheds the last of its energy and collapses in on itself... ...after the solar systems degraded, their planets flung out and consumed... And after those billions of stars in their billions of galaxies are all slowly snuffed out one by one... ...and after the last of the supermassive black holes evaporates... A single last question will remain, drifting through the long, cosmic dark... To renew your universe, please update your payment details.

'Russian scientists have determined where the meteorite than injured 1000 people came from. Thet say, 'It's not from around here.''