Elevator Humorist Gifts

'These elevators are slow, but it sure beats flying.'

"Sorry, Ma'am. Down only."

Phee-ew! Who let out the fear?

Roof.

"Perhaps you read about it in National Geographic?"

Abandon Personal Space All Ye Who Enter Here

'Up' / 'Down'.

No one dared move while Ernie looked for a place to wipe his booger.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

Political Polls, Inc: (Elevator): 'Up. Down, Undecided/don't know'

Showoff! Bald man envies punk.

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

'Flight simulator'

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

Astronaut: Pay and Display Only

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

'...it's some distance away - but there are lots of 'em and they're edible.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Control Center. A satellite is falling! Tell NASA to divert it so it doesn't hit North Africa. Good golly, Miss Mali!

The return of Miss Subways

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

Moon's Portaloo.

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

Elevator buttons read: Way Up/up/Down/Way Down.

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

The Moon Falls Out of the Sky.

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

After our sun sheds the last of its energy and collapses in on itself... ...after the solar systems degraded, their planets flung out and consumed... And after those billions of stars in their billions of galaxies are all slowly snuffed out one by one... ...and after the last of the supermassive black holes evaporates... A single last question will remain, drifting through the long, cosmic dark... To renew your universe, please update your payment details.

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'