Elderly Neighbors Pillows

"I told him it wouldn't kill him to try to be nice once in a while, but I was wrong."

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

'You get the feeling we're getting too familiar?'

'Social security benefits are raising ... but the system's runnin' out of bread.'

"I shudder to think where'd I be if I hadn't planned properly for retirement."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

How Nature Senses a Change in the Weather

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

"First time pruning?"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"See? And you said you couldn't work from home."

'Why can't my walks be that fun?'

"Why bother?"

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

"We thought we would come somewhere remote to self-isolate."

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"He loves his leaf blower."

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

Neighbor Leaf Wars

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Canape?

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."