Egomaniac Appreciator Pillows

'You say that you wish you had just one percent of my talent? Well that's exactly what you have got.'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

Cow Kong

"Mrs. Beasley, send the employees a memo stating that, from now on, they are to refer to me as 'Alpha Male'."

The Boss.

Big business is not evil

This reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, is it true that most people need to improve their listening skills?" Sure, I enjoy the glistening hills.

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

Einstein's T-Shirt Reads: I'm with Stupid (Arrows point everywhere).

'You've probably heard of me. I'm an author, consultant and lecturer in the fields of authoring, consulting and lecturing.'

Cat with Crown.

"And afterwards, I'll be signing my new DVD of this presentation in the lobby."

'I don't need such a big office as this. My ego does.'

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"I've been told to go through all our expenses...cut out any fat, get rid of any costly perks!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson, but your hair just doesn't say anything to me today."

'You'll like this, sir. Instead of the usual boring bio, this year I've done your creation myth.'

'The artist did this one during his 'I've got no idea' - period.'

The great and near-great

"He claims he does the work of two employees."

"In short, then, I'm looking for a job that matches my sense of entitlement!"

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

"And, for God's sake, don't let anyone finish my novel!"

Alexander Pope.

'...if you look at it in the right way it begins to make sense.'

'I've always managed to retain my humility, I'm proud to say.'

"I think it really captures my humility and selflessness."

Starving Artist Show has paintings of food.

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

"They're both type 'A' personalities, so they're deciding who is the 'A+'."

"It's my most personal building yet."

'Seth, please bring me a copy of every search engine article that mentions my name in a favorable light. I need an ego boost.'

'Your lab tests are back. Your cholesterol weight, and self importance are all too high.'

'Darling - have I ever told you how much you love me. . .?'