Efficiency Critic Pillows

'Our company produces 500 redundancies a day.'

"Sending letters instead of emails keeps the balls out of my court longer."

Where your mind & battle are los

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

Colour Version: Living by the Clock

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Motivation to work

Late/Too Late.

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

"This works, so why do we need to spend all that energy building a nest?"

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

Maybe clean out your wallet

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

"I'm too busy to be stressed."

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

Cat shoes: For those who are too busy to do their own walking.

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

Failure/Due Diligence

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

"Do you think we should look again at who we invite to these meetings?"

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

"Never do today what someone else can do tomorrow."

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

'Apparently you can't fire everybody and still maintain productivity.'

'It's come to my notice, Simpson, that YOU'RE the glitch in the system.'

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"There appears to be a direct correlation between fewer meetings and higher productivity."