Educator's Sidekick Gifts

"How'd your math test go?"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

'This part was tenure.'

Spring To Do List: Teach, Testing, Testing,Test Some More. . .

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

"Yes, Donald, I know you didn't expect a test today... that's why it's called a pop quiz!"

"I don't like a school year that begins with 'while you were out'."

"I'm doing all I can to make the little things count."

Teacher's pet dog

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

"Tell me again how many young minds I will have shaped by the end of my teaching career."

Principal to teacher with trap door below her desk: 'The board thinks people teach better under pressure.'

'The principal is keeping my teacher after school. She kicked the computer.'

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

'I was going to teach them the meaning of life ... but it wasn't on the test.'

"You were sent to the principal again for horsing around? That's so unfair!"

'I'm sorry Mrs. Jackson, but when you've become as excellent of a teacher as you are, you've forfeited your right to retire.'

Dog Anatomy from Memory.

'You can never be too fit or too tenured.'

You wouldn't believe the screams of joy I hear when I announce a school closing...and that's just the teachers!

Benjamin Franklin

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

"There's the bell for respite. . . I mean, recess."

'There are ten questions on this quiz. Each is worth 20 points.'

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

"I asked the parents to get involved more and now they're home-schooling."

A Lesson in Leadership: Misplacing your keys isn't a problem, unless you have to enlist the whole school's support to find them.

'I want you to text message 100 times, 'I will not text message in class.''

Writer's Strike

'A hidden cost of implementing common core standards in education...'

"I've never heard of a PE teacher giving football homework."

"I give all new teachers the same advice. First you have to get the attention of the class. Can you quack like a duck or juggle two books in the air?"