Educational Performer T-Shirts

Education Guidance

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

They hated me.

Showbiz Awards

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

"Extreme miming"

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"We're following Carrot Top."

Pirate

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Cow Show Tunes

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

Four children playing the flute.

"I'm the only sane artist in the world."

"Bravo!"

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Jazz is Invented

"I can't believe he brought her."

Clown waits for 'Happy Hour' to begin.

'Play it again, Sam.'

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."