Education Secretary Gifts

'I'm going to help by offering to give up my place.'

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

'What's play?'

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'What does it say, Dad?'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

Staff Yearbook

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

Budget

'Al, this is Jack. He's with the Committee to Eliminate the Board of Education. Jack, this is Al. He's with the Committee to Increase Funding for the Board of Education.'

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

'Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Snoopy - do you have a stamp commemorating an educational leader?'

"I might have to go to school forever because the more I know the more I know I don't know."

'If school is so important, why isn't it on television?'

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'

What must every 5 paragraph essay contain? 5 paragraphs! For the last 18 years, some wise guy says that as if no one's heard it before. Congratulations. Who was this year's Mr. Predictable? You're wrong, Mr. K. A girl said it. Wow! Another triumph for women's equality in my classroom.

Another shot heard round the world.

Teacher has two boxes: "Book Smart" and "Street Smart"

'Lessons have been learned.'

"In this one, references to everything have been deleted."

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'