Edgy Humor Lover Gifts

Sesame Street's Short-Lived Safe Word of the Day Segment.

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"You left this on our ship."

"Look! No hands!"

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

"You are still here."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'Can I have flies with that'

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

The Hammer

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

Toenail clipping missile.

Sir Isaac Newton wondered how he couldexplain this! (Pineapple)

Anti-inflammation recipes

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'