Economic Relief Seeker T-Shirts

Updated Fairy Tales. Having all of them around sure sweetened my stimulus check!

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'Ahhh...'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"Who's got the hammer?"

Work Parfait

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

Another day at work would be one too many...

'Every night it's the same - always my turn to put the Bally Cat out!'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

The Alpha Seltzer

'It's good to be here. We're having economic problems where we come from.'

Super Heroes.

'You're not supposed to catch them!'

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

"Eat me"

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

"Any of you guys feel like hot dogs?"

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

My God, I need to fart.

No littering...

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

When Dinosaurs ruled the Earth.

'I say we invade and secure all those renewable resources.'

"What part of 'giddyup' don't you understand?"