Eco-friendly Nibblers Pillows

What can I get you? Coffee? Tea? Sandwich? The mackerel mocha sounds lovely. What's in it? The usual. Chocolate. Soy milk. Mackerel. Yes, but is the mackerel farm-raised or from the sea? Ocean. Atlantic? Pacific? Indian? Arctic? Antarctic? I'm not sure. Oh. Ok ... well what's the mackerel's mercury content? Negligible, I'm sure. Ok. Was it exposed to any chlorine? Or copper sulphate? Or malathion? Was it treated with kindness? Was it read stories and sung to before bedtime? Yes. Never mind, it s

"Is the MSG local?"

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"All our donuts are hand fried in what will eventually become biofuel."

'Make it a microbrew, Jake! I've gone organic!'

"You had me at alternative milk."

Look! There's a photo of our eco club's Earth Day actions in the newspaper! Sports. Power up the green machine!! I could use more copies. Me too. They're going to really power up my college applications.

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

"I can highly recommend the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, served with a chilled glass of milk."

"Since he retired, he hasn't quite figured out what to do with himself!"

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

My boat

'All our food is locally sourced.'

The youth shows responsibility!

A vampire lays in his coffin and he has put his vampire dentures in a glass beside the coffin.

'It's a shame that valuable water gets wasted to wash cars or to take showers. It should be used responsible and for useful purposes only - for example to make whiskey.'

Walking here to the tavern allows me to decrease my carbon footprint and increase my bourbon footprint.

"I envy you. I'd love to have a house with a fireplace."

'I don't care if it has lettuce, tomato, special sauce on a sesame bun...it's still liver!'

Foodie Bank

"To bat that stupid rolled-up sock around all morning or not to bat the stupid sock around, that is the question."

'I just love eating organic food.'

Fish and Chips - "Could you please blow into this bag for me, Sir?"

"When I was a child I spoke as a child... but when I became a man I put away childish things... except for my Cocoa Puffs... I still love Cocoa Puffs."

Whiskey, gin...doesn't matter. I'm into flex fuels.

Ditching Masks as Lockdown Eases

"My New Year's resolution last year was to recycle more, and since it was so successful, I'll recycle it for this year!"

'Jenkins, you could be a great salesman if only you'd stop barking at customers and nibbling the furniture.'

Man eating 'after work mints'

"He says he's three months late because of Readers' Block!"

'Second childhood menu, please!'

'Well, it might be hard to believe now, but in my youth, I was the fastest animal on land...'