Eclipses T-Shirts

"Damnedest eclipse I'VE ever seen."

"Hey! - What's this I hear about you ECLIPSING me?"

"Do you guys serve beer?"

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

"What the... mine are lunar eclipse glasses!"

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

Easy chair exercise machines

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

"This data shows us that we are going up to a new level."

"Behind the back, between the legs, around my disappointed parents, nothing but net."

"I have a whole closet full of running clothes I never wear."

'Today: The collective unconscious...'

'YOU try telling him!'

Sheep Escalator

Had a Moonlight Madness Sale During an Eclipse.

Oregon Eclipse Watching, August 21, 2017

"I reached Level Three of Super Mario Brothers!"

Great excuses No 964 'I was on my way to the gym when I was abducted by alliens from the planet Sanrg who took me to their ship and force fed me choc-chip ice cream.'

'No, I haven't taken up jogging...A velociprator was after me!'

"Solar eclipse."

Corporate urban legends

Man opens front door to find he's up in clouds.

'Okay, ready to begin the workout? And... finished. Good job!'

"Not now, Elaine—I'm on my man-cloud."

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

"No you can't borrow my eclipse glasses. I told you not to eat yours."

'You are in a deep, deep sleep, when you awaken you will feel sweaty and exhausted...'

Shadow

"I'm Chuck, Phil's roommate. I don't predict weather, but I do foresee Trump confidently staring at the eclipse bare-eyed, ignoring warnings again."

Message in a bottle.

"Mr. Cogdill said he won't be in today because it's 'National I Hate My Job Day'."

Beginner Level Escalators