Eating Habits Gifts

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

"I feel ill Mum. I think it's the pesticides in the vegetables...have to eat burgers and pizzas."

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

"I do want to be healthy but not so healthy that I miss out on my unhealthy eating habits."

'I'm starting my diet tomorrow!'

"Your genes may be responsible for your way to going but I'm thinking that the four cheeseburgers you may have for breakfast might be a factor."

"How's the banana diet coming along?"

"But how do you know my sprouts aren't contaminated with novichok?"

"You internalise too much. Food in particular."

"Don't eat anything fatty...you're not listening, Fatty...I said, 'Don't eat anything!'"

"It's natural food, sir - Just eat it with your fingers."

'I think the four basic food groups are frozen, canned, junk, and take out.'

"Of course you feel ill...you're not eating properly!"

A parent brings a child to a child psychologist, worried that her son only eats corn, the psychologist tells her not to worry, its just a maize phase.

If you eat like that you'll get fat and die.

'I'm not sure if I'm a vegan or not but I do only eat animals that are herbivores.'

New 'Vores

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

Couple discussing fasting

Well, O.K., so you found fast food, but what's the hurry?

"Do not feed the animals." "Do not eat the processed crap the idiots throw."

"Carpe pizza"

Procrastination, snacking, proscrastisnacking

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'